Welcome to my blog about....well ...ME! Hope I don't bore you all to tears! I intend this blog to be about my journey to setting the beautiful skinny person inside this fat shell of a body free. So lets sit back and enjoy the ride! yeeeehhhaaaa

Sunday, January 23, 2011


Always the dreamer
Oh, how do we begin to shed this outer shell to let the new (okay in my case I feel like its more like the old) out!

"Janie"  Are my LBD days over?

I guess my journey to the new (ok old....jeepers confusing already....I'm gonna name the inner me to save confusion, lets call her Janie!) out.  I guess it began two years ago.  However, first I feel I need to explain "Janie".

"Janie" is a childhood name.  My parents christened me Paula and always called me Janie.  Go figure!  Much prefer Janie as Paula often indicated trouble.  Everyone nowdays knows me as Paula though.  When I think back to how did I let myself and my body get out of control I kinda feel that I have buried Janie in a pile of fat!  Oh Janie LOVED to party and have a good time.  She didn't look half bad either.  Paula seems so....well grown up!  eeekk  Guess it had to happen.  Paula also is fat!  Obese!  She still loves a party, has a sense of humour....which does seem to be buried for the time being but lets see if we can let that out again!  Lets face it, its takes a lot of effort to have a body like this!  It didn't happen overnight and releasing "Janie" isn't going to happen overnight as well.

Okay, so now we have established I have a split personality (hmm maybe I'd better call that Psychologist of mine and make an appointment to address this??? LOL) lets get back to the beggining of setting the skinnier me free!

Two years ago my husband decided to "surprise" me for my birthday. 

Yippee, yahoo, a surprise, so exciting thinks I!  Then those dreaded words I'll never forget "you'd better toughen up or your not going to enjoy your birthday present" he jokes one night!  WHAT.....TOUGHEN UP.  Oh, relax Paula, he is surely joking.

Oh no.....it appears not!  Then a few days later more dreaded words "I've booked a babysitter.  Don't forget to wear your sneakers"  WHAT, SNEAKERS!  OMG I haven't worn sneakers in years.   Crap, don't even know if I own any!  Oh silly girl, he's joking.  You don't wear sneakers to a restaurant.  Yes, delusionsal me still thought that he was kidding and we were going to a restaurant.

The big day arrives.  Its now 2 days after my birthday and the outing is here.  What to wear.  Well I want to look good so hair and make-up = check!  Hmmm he's said wear comfortable clothing.  Thats okay, nice t-shirt and pants just in case we are actually going out for lunch....funny boy.  Sneakers....hmmm only have $20 Wharehouse jobs but that'll be fine.  Silly boy knows I don't need sneakers for getting from couch to clothesline (letterbox is a motorbike job!)

Then we arrive.  A fit, sprightly, good looking, no fat, muscley woman BOUNCES out of her garage.  "Hello" she says.  "Do you know why your here" 

"No" I laugh.  Still clueless.  Looking around.  I see a garage and a fit attractive active woman who I think I'll dislike just for looking so good!  "Lets go for a warm up jog"   WHAT, A WARM UP JOG.  GW, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT ME INTO!!!!!

I jog across the road.  Stop.  Got the stitch.  Chins hurt.  Ankle hurts.  Crap she wants me to go around the block!!!! I've only crossed the road and I hurt!  So she agrees we can walk.  DOUBLE CRAP....this mad woman wants to talk.  I can't pant and hide the fact I'm unfit AND TALK!

Then......she wants me to .......BOX!!!!!  She tells me how to stand.  I hold back tears as my ankles hurt.  Not tears of pain, yep tears of embarrasment!  However, I survive the half hour and ENJOY IT!  And find myself saying "yes, I'll come back on Thursday"

That will be two years on February 23rd!  And yes, I still go twice a week and still love it.  I can jog a small distance, I can do push ups (aim to get on my toes this year) I can even do the dreaded planks...on my toes!  I can finally give her a decent punch and I enjoy it.

The biggest block for me was the mental block.  I remember the 4 week mark and just wanting to give up but she helped me push through.  That was my toughest time by far. 

Now, I have to work on my nutrition and motivation.  All the exercise in the world isn't going to help if I still eat like a pig!!  I also need a new challenge so here I am. 

It was also mentioned to me recently....in an honest and caring way....that I do tend to quit when things get hard.  So, I am determined NOT to quit, to challenge myself to see the end of this challenge!

I have lost 12 kilos (was 15....3 crept on over Xmas and yes I did behave so am extremely grumpy about that) over the last 2 years.  Last year I lost nothing.  I refer that to my year of fitness.  I am a heap fitter, just didn't lose the weight. 

This year is the year of finding "Janie" and setting and old skinnier me free!

At my 21st.  One day I'll look this good again!

Uggh  The "Fat" Paula

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